will they have hamburgers in heaven?

I decided that before I adventure down under, I should get my-self in order. Besides getting my house ready to rent, doing a million pieces of paperwork, working full time, being mom and dad full time, I have decided I need a personal trainer person to tell me how to eat and work out.... so now I'm hungry!!

In all honesty, I am feeling small inside and inadequate to make this move. I know that if I look better, I will feel a little better, but that doesn't last long and I'm back in self pity mode! I KNOW I can't do this alone, God has a hold of my right hand! I just wish all those around me had a little more faith in the process, and the outcome! My mom, my dad, my kids! Don't get me wrong, every other minute I am drowning in reality, but I BELIEVE in so much more than I can see right now!! Don't you... don't you want to??

Diets are for wimps, Jeff Kotterman is for crazy brave souls!! I hope that Australian food is fat, sugar, and guilt free. So as I work at working out on the outside, my favorite personal trainer Jesus is working out my insides. It hurts but it is so worth it!! That' probably why I blog, to show myself proof that God IS doing what He said He would in my life! I love you God, and You love me no matter what shape I am!!

Happy Easter!!

He is risen, indeed!! I speak of faith and miracles, but honestly, much of the time I am so doubtful. Then there are times when I truly believe, nothing will turn out right! Few are the instances when I am sure. I hear about miracles, and I believe the ones I read about in the Bible, but they don't happen for me.... I am so forgetful. They happen for us everyday!!

I received a call from my ex-husband last week that he wanted to get together to talk. I was skeptical and tried to get out of it, but he said he was sorry about the way he had behaved the last time we spoke. I agreed to meet him on Saturday. We met at a neutral location, Mc Donald's. He told me that ever since he began resisting our plans for Australia, he has felt a pressure upon him. He said that everything began to go wrong, he got to the point where he couldn't stand it any longer. He knew it was God putting the pressure on.

I began to tear up. I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. I remembered back two weeks ago when I fasted asking God for favor. I surrendered my will and my plans. I was in a battle and I knew I was in over my head. I wasn't sure of the outcome but I knew I would always follow God no matter what... even if it didn't go the way I'd hoped! Now here in a corner booth at east county's favorite food joint, I felt a surge of hope.

Not only did Tony agree to let the kids and I adventure to Australia, but he heard from God. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge! For both Tony and I! My God is mighty and desires to give His children the desires of their hearts.

This is awesome, from my viewpoint but something I didn't expect happened. Both Isaiah and Faith were crushed to hear the news! They knew it was a plan in the making but they are not entirely on board with the whole idea. When they heard their dad was fighting against me because he didn't want His children taken away from him, my kids felt like their dad was fighting FOR them. Now they feel like their dad gave up the fight for them, and that old wound of abandonment reared it's ugly head to discourage my children! Whoa!! I did not see that coming.

My kids mean so much to me, as any parent knows, sometimes watching them go through spiritually hard things is heart- wrenching!! Now I am praying for them. Both for healing and for peace for the journey! Please pray with me! And for me, the mom, to do and say the right thing!

Trials...ugh!

On the road to the promised land, the Israelites encountered every day stuff. Such as bickering children, deciding what to do with extra clutter, whose turn to do the dishes, laundry... and so on! Keeping you eye on the goal or the prize IS the trial. Going to war, the battle isn't the hard part- you are trained for that, what to shoot and at who. The hard part is keeping everyone on the same road as you are traveling there. (Are we there yet? I have to go to the bathroom! He's looking at me!!) UGH!!

Today my ex-husband and I met with a court appointed mediator. I knew what to say, as coached by my attorney, I knew how to make my view heard appropriately, but now the trial begins. The mediator wants to speak to the children. My Faith and Isaiah (13 and 11) are not extremely excited about this 2 year disturbance to their very important jr. hi. career! Needless to say, I am not quite sure how they will respond to this stranger, the mediator. (i imagine Arnold saying it- THE MEDIATAR)

My happy go-lucky, glass half full side thinks- God is full of miracles and likes the odds extremely against Himself to really show His glory in the final inning. But the doom- gloom, glass half empty, cracked and leaking badly thinks- oh no, I have missed God and now He's hiding far away from me!

What's really awesome regardless of my dual personality is that God stays ALWAYS CONSTANT!!! He will never be afraid, or confused about anything that appears that way to me. Oh Lord, I love that about you!!!

I can honestly say today, I have no idea whats gonna happen next! But I know who does know! That's whats most important!!

Shipwrecked, Imprisoned...Paul is that you?

I was praying today, and I began to understand a little something about waiting! The Lord showed me a glimpse into what Paul might have been feeling way back in 33ad. To know the plans the Lord has for you but stuck waiting on.... what? It can seem like such a waste of time. There are so many important places to go, people to see!! Come on God! You can't possibly want me to rot here in prison, or die in a shipwreck? What is going on? Why the delay?

Boy, Paul sure had a way better attitude than I would've had - or have today. It seems that the more excited I get about my trip to the great beyond, the more it feels like I am climbing uphill.

I have to take my ex-husband to court to get permission to take the kids for 2 years out of the country. He was appearing to be somewhat agreeable when I offered to make his life a little easier by stopping all child support arrears. And even to stop all future child support charges. But he is adamant now about not letting them go. I am truly sad! Just like a stop over in jail, like Paul? Well I may not be preaching about God against the law, but I do feel like this can't possibly be part of the plan! Or is it??

So many times there are little lessons that we need to learn, but so often we are consumed with the wasted time, we don't learn anything! Oh, Lord! Help my lack of faith, help me see what You are showing me, and above all God I need mercy! I am no Paul, you know!!!

Another year wiser!!!

Today I turned 43! Whoopie!! And I am positive it can only get better from this point on! With age comes wisdom and I am younger than some of my friends, and older than others but in all, no one can tell you what is right for you but YOU!! You have been in your head and body for 43 years( or longer Sylvia :) he he!!) That's a looooong time! I have learned what makes me comfortable and what makes me crazy and I actually try to avoid both, but tend toward being comfy!!! But no matter where I go, or what I do, I am the one that will have to live with my decision and consequences, so why would I do something dumb?? Boy, if my mom is reading this she is saying, "yeah, why?" So take a leap, a jump, a step, in your direction and LIVE, its YOUR LIFE!!!!

Be thankful!!!

Have you ever read Ecclesiastes? Its a book of the Bible- (an incredible literary work by the way, that everyone should read, for history's sake if nothing else)! Anyway, I was reading this morning in this book by King Solomon, the king of Israel, 935 b.c., and such wisdom came to me. Everyone lives and dies and we cannot really change much of when that will happen, but we can change what we view as important! People are the only things that matter! How we treat them, how we love them, and our time with them! Are we grateful for the time they are given to us?

Today I thought of my kids. They are 20, 13 and 11. They are slipping into their own reality of what they think life is. I can't stop time. I can't stop their growing, but I can take them to a place where they are forced to look deep in themselves to find out who they are. Another country can do that!! I'm sure here in America there are places we could go too, but changing cultures, currency, and availability to acquire fast food, now THAT'S deep!!!

My prayer for my kids is that later in their life, they will be thankful and grateful for what they have and whats been given to them, and understand how, they are, the only ones who can do that for them!!

Blessings!!

...and smaller

So who would've thought the patient that told me all about Australia would meet my mother! Even though I had warned him if he ever were to meet her he could not tell her that his only daughter left America to live in Australia... forever! But he must've forgot, because he walked in to her bank, (out of all the banks in San Diego...) and she waited on him,(she's not even a teller but was helping out right then...) and he shared with her that he just got out of the hospital and is on his way to see his daughter in Australia! She remembered me talking about a patient I had, and craziness happens again!! How could anyone think this is coincidence?? I sooooo believe God is in this! Now it's up to me to wait for all the pieces to fall into place. I am moving forward as much as I can, but I am so impatient!

If anyone is following this please pray! My ex husband is being stubborn and I don't want to go to war with him. God knows what must be done, I want to follow his plans!

Thanks all!!