God's in the "stuff"

The best time to learn is when you are not looking! For instance- your walking along and you become distracted by a buzzing bee and as you shoo it away you don't notice the trail drops off thousands of feet down to the raging river full of razor sharp rocks and alligators snapping from hunger!!!! (pant, pant) You have learned to pay attention to where you are going, THE HARD WAY!!

Such is the way with the Lord! God bless Him!! (can we say that?) I am sooo stubborn that many times I cannot simply take a gentle nudge to go the right way, but a cast iron skillet to the head works!!

This last year has been a time of discovery, sorrow, and jubilation. And of course waiting! I believe God has wanted to teach me some facts of life for some time but I would never listen. So now when the rubber meets the road and I am about to embark on hard turf, He is preparing me quicker than I'm really ready for... I think!

Then there is mercy, a great gift! Because God is merciful, He gives me little encouragements all along the way! If I were in His shoes, I would have been so frustrated with me that I would have thrown me down that embankment to the raging river with the rocks and gators!!! But He doesn't! And because He is Mercy, I actually learn. I learn because I am amazed that He would entrust me again with the same lessons over and over, knowing I may fail! It hurts my heart to know, I fail Him sometimes! Him, whom I love and want to please so much! Him, who gave up His own life for mine because He knew I needed to learn these things. Him, who in an instant could change anything and everything, if He wanted to!

I realize that none of this makes much sense to anyone right now because I have left out specifics. But I will say this: 1. A relationship between a father and his daughter is a delicate balance when she becomes an adult. 2. A relationship between a single mom and Her God is a fortress of protection and surety. 3. A family is precious and must be preserved, sometimes it may require moving to another country to regroup!! :)

The Unmovable Perkins??

I have heard it said that sometimes in life you get a "do over". That sounds great. A chance to start afresh and try not to make the same mistakes again. WELL LET ME TELL YOU NOT ALL DO-OVERS ARE THAT GOOD!!!

I have been sent a letter about my nursing application for Queensland- AGAIN they want me to resend everything anew. WHY!!!

I think this is all a sick joke and someone is laughing....

It took me months to complete the first one, but apparently the Queensland Nursing Board has ended and a new corporation has taken over and that is why the documentation change.

I'm really just whining! Poor me!! My timing and my idea of how this would go are completely obliterated. Now I have absolutely no idea what's going on--- but that's just how God likes it. Now He's able to move me out of the drivers seat and start driving the plane.

Ooh the places we will go!! Do I trust Him? I want to... Do I need Him? I act like I don't need anyone... Will I follow Him no matter what? Yes Lord, you know I will. If this all falls apart and I am left with nothing but a memory of a time when I might have gone to Australia, I love you more and will follow you forever!!! and ever Amen!!

This isn't the end- there is no end for those called according to His purposes, but we just don't always know what that purpose is. God is bigger, higher, wider, deeper than anything I could ever even imagine- it's time to let Him be that!! The big, big God that He is. So while I wait (sigh), I will remember " For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed but My kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall My covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has mercy on you!" Is 54:10

The Movable Perkins Act I

So we had renters ready to rent on the 1st of Sept! Their only request- air conditioning! The wife is pregnant and cannot possibly bear a summer without it here in Lakeside. Seems reasonable! I did want to replace our old A/C unit that caught fire several years ago. So we got some quotes and planned the job. Aug.10 (aprox 1 month after everything is a go) the rental wannabes back out! Deposit paid on the A/C- we go ahead as planned. No prospects for the rental now it's the 15th. "Lord, Lord, wherefore art thou, my Lord.....?"

I love my parents! They are very generous and wonderful... on most days! My dad and I are alot alike! Stubborn and reasonable. Loud and silent! You'd just have to see us in action to believe it! My family of 4 is going to be invading this couple's space very soon, and if we have no renters, it will be a very tight fit financially! (It is now but the renters were making it possible to look ahead)

I think God is showing me that every aspect of this plan has to be surrendered to Him or it won't work! I WANT God in control, I just forgot how to get out of the driver's seat! If I am trusting in money, or renters, or jobs, or visas... then that's just dumb! He has a plan and a way. No one can get to Australia except by Him!

I got the job!!

You know what's really cool? God knows everything! He knows what time we will wake and what time we sleep! What words will be spoken or thought of!! He KNEW I would get this job in Brisbane! A few months ago this same company tried to set up a phone interview with me and at the very time I was set to receive the call- our phone line went dead!!! Cox fixed it-3HOURS LATER!!! So I thought I blew it! I sent apologies via e-mail, but I was so discouraged and I felt like a failure. (I realized it wasn't my mistake but you know how it goes- us women take on every mistake as our responsibility!!) When a month later they requested a second interview I was shocked! But God knew- for some reason, I wasn't ready for the first interview, or they weren't ready, but whatever happened in the divine, God will was accomplished and I am blessed! I am ALWAYS blessed even when I don't feel like it! He has promised to keep me in the "cleft of His rock", "no one shall snatch me from the palm of His hand", "He is for me, who can be against?" I sometimes hate the way I feel- the way I feel doesn't change reality. Where I live doesn't change where I will go. Who we are is deep inside it comes from living, on this earth, what happens and who we know. (Jesus is a good one to know- I'm telling you!!)

So I am a little bit closer to the move but more important, I am a lot closer to the one who moves me!!!!

Any day now!

God loves me! Of that, I am positive! And because I know this , I follow His word, which says- "a man plans his ways, but the Lord guides his steps". We are also called to spread His word throughout all the earth. Also, He works all thing together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes! Wow! It's almost like a recipe for success, no matter what!! So while I am under steady progress toward my goal of nursing in Australia, I am also covered by God's ultimate goal-His good! He IS good isn't He? Amen!

I had a phone interview which was very successful with an Australian hospital on the Gold Coast, in Brisbane. they were very excited to have me on board. Now its just paperwork, paperwork, paperwork. My nursing application is still in progress.... (sigh) I feel a little bit closer!

A dear friend is moving away to North Carolina and another has moved to Oregon. I feel as if God is taking us all on our own little journeys to discover. To discover this big planet for His pleasure and His glory.....why not??!!

Well its a month since my last post and absolutely NOTHING has happened toward Australia! So I am forever hopeful and have been reading up on the country just to be prepared for what we're about to embark on! Little did I know...

80% of all that exists in Australia- exists nowhere else on earth.

And it has more things there that can kill you than anywhere else on earth!

5 of it's creatures: the funnel web spider, box jellyfish (known as "stingers"),, blue ringed octopus, paralysis tick, and stonefish are the most lethal of their type in the world!

Only Antarctica has a harsher life!!

All of these thrive well in Brisbane, along with hundreds of drowning victims every year due to the "rips" (riptides). And don't forget about your neighborhood crocs who jump up out of the local bay to ingest a tourist or two, quite frequently!

And my friends try to warn me about their sharks- I've swam with sharks (grey smoothies, but still!) and I am quite sure if I even venture into the water I won't be worried about a little shark or two!!

Isn't this exciting? (Don't read this Mom- it's not for the faint of heart!) It's the only thing that keeps Isaiah, my youngest even interested in going to the largest island on the planet!

The only living thing visible from space...The Great Barrier Reef still has animals that are uncatagorized and possibly unseen by human eyes!

These are OBVIOUSLY not reasons I am longing to embark on this adventure, but as a nurse I do see it as job security while there! I am sure that I myself would probably suffer a heart attack if faced with any of the above dangers, but mostly I would be dead! So I hereby promise to pray often and be careful!!

To err. is human, to wait...devine..!!

At church we have been studying the 10 commandments. I have broken almost every one and some, many, many times! I am the first to admit I am totally human! Which explains some behaviors I exhibit, but never excuses them!!

I have recently found that I really hate to wait and/or have to re-do something I put time and effort into! Who doesn't? Probably Jesus! He loves that kind of stuff, of course He's already been to the future...He known how it ends! But I DON"T! WAAAAA! ( I am such a cry baby)!

I have sent my nursing application, completed 3 times and just got it back AGAIN for having something submitted incorrectly!! Help! I can't call Australia every day or my nurse recruiter in London, England every time something is amiss! I don't even know what's wrong with it! I feel like hitting a rock, or throwing some tablets of stone down and breaking them! Ever have days like that??

Until I can get this settled, I am in a holding pattern....flying over the desert, the smelly, hot, dusty desert!

Thank God, I'm only human!!

Moses... put down that pen!

You know, Moses didn't write about stuff til after they happened. So much has happened since I last posted. Several hospitals are in the process of setting up phone interviews with me. My application was completed, (again) but this time with a trip to L.A. to the Australian Consulate. It took 31/2 hours there and more back (traffic) but I went with a dear friend and caught up on everything new under the sun! Well spent time!! The actual time in the embassy was about 15 minutes. Isn't that so the way it goes!!

I bring up Moses, because we are so much alike him and I! We both enjoy wearing sandals. We both are addicted to bread, (that was all he ate, the carb. monster)! And we both head out under God's direction, with very little support, belief in what we're doing, especially from our family. Now Aaron and Miriam tried, but when it got tough they whined alot and followed the crowd! I love my friends and family, as I know Moses did, but sometimes I'd like to break a few stone tablet over their heads!!

I feel very alone at times! It'd be great to have Moses appear to me on a mount of transfiguration! (Could I transfigure to a size six please?) What would he say to encourage me? Probably something like, "C-C-Cassie, God loves all these people on this journey with you, so b-b-be patient with them all! And stay away from the desert path, it takes alot longer!!"

I hope you all know ,as God definitely does, that I am NO Moses! But I appreciate knowing there is such a great cloud of witnesses that have gone before and wrote to tell about it!How truly blessed we are to have the Word of God as our pillar of fire by night!! No matter how dark! Some day I hope my blog may help someone else on a journey somewhere... at least to let them know they are not alone!!

will they have hamburgers in heaven?

I decided that before I adventure down under, I should get my-self in order. Besides getting my house ready to rent, doing a million pieces of paperwork, working full time, being mom and dad full time, I have decided I need a personal trainer person to tell me how to eat and work out.... so now I'm hungry!!

In all honesty, I am feeling small inside and inadequate to make this move. I know that if I look better, I will feel a little better, but that doesn't last long and I'm back in self pity mode! I KNOW I can't do this alone, God has a hold of my right hand! I just wish all those around me had a little more faith in the process, and the outcome! My mom, my dad, my kids! Don't get me wrong, every other minute I am drowning in reality, but I BELIEVE in so much more than I can see right now!! Don't you... don't you want to??

Diets are for wimps, Jeff Kotterman is for crazy brave souls!! I hope that Australian food is fat, sugar, and guilt free. So as I work at working out on the outside, my favorite personal trainer Jesus is working out my insides. It hurts but it is so worth it!! That' probably why I blog, to show myself proof that God IS doing what He said He would in my life! I love you God, and You love me no matter what shape I am!!

Happy Easter!!

He is risen, indeed!! I speak of faith and miracles, but honestly, much of the time I am so doubtful. Then there are times when I truly believe, nothing will turn out right! Few are the instances when I am sure. I hear about miracles, and I believe the ones I read about in the Bible, but they don't happen for me.... I am so forgetful. They happen for us everyday!!

I received a call from my ex-husband last week that he wanted to get together to talk. I was skeptical and tried to get out of it, but he said he was sorry about the way he had behaved the last time we spoke. I agreed to meet him on Saturday. We met at a neutral location, Mc Donald's. He told me that ever since he began resisting our plans for Australia, he has felt a pressure upon him. He said that everything began to go wrong, he got to the point where he couldn't stand it any longer. He knew it was God putting the pressure on.

I began to tear up. I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. I remembered back two weeks ago when I fasted asking God for favor. I surrendered my will and my plans. I was in a battle and I knew I was in over my head. I wasn't sure of the outcome but I knew I would always follow God no matter what... even if it didn't go the way I'd hoped! Now here in a corner booth at east county's favorite food joint, I felt a surge of hope.

Not only did Tony agree to let the kids and I adventure to Australia, but he heard from God. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge! For both Tony and I! My God is mighty and desires to give His children the desires of their hearts.

This is awesome, from my viewpoint but something I didn't expect happened. Both Isaiah and Faith were crushed to hear the news! They knew it was a plan in the making but they are not entirely on board with the whole idea. When they heard their dad was fighting against me because he didn't want His children taken away from him, my kids felt like their dad was fighting FOR them. Now they feel like their dad gave up the fight for them, and that old wound of abandonment reared it's ugly head to discourage my children! Whoa!! I did not see that coming.

My kids mean so much to me, as any parent knows, sometimes watching them go through spiritually hard things is heart- wrenching!! Now I am praying for them. Both for healing and for peace for the journey! Please pray with me! And for me, the mom, to do and say the right thing!

Trials...ugh!

On the road to the promised land, the Israelites encountered every day stuff. Such as bickering children, deciding what to do with extra clutter, whose turn to do the dishes, laundry... and so on! Keeping you eye on the goal or the prize IS the trial. Going to war, the battle isn't the hard part- you are trained for that, what to shoot and at who. The hard part is keeping everyone on the same road as you are traveling there. (Are we there yet? I have to go to the bathroom! He's looking at me!!) UGH!!

Today my ex-husband and I met with a court appointed mediator. I knew what to say, as coached by my attorney, I knew how to make my view heard appropriately, but now the trial begins. The mediator wants to speak to the children. My Faith and Isaiah (13 and 11) are not extremely excited about this 2 year disturbance to their very important jr. hi. career! Needless to say, I am not quite sure how they will respond to this stranger, the mediator. (i imagine Arnold saying it- THE MEDIATAR)

My happy go-lucky, glass half full side thinks- God is full of miracles and likes the odds extremely against Himself to really show His glory in the final inning. But the doom- gloom, glass half empty, cracked and leaking badly thinks- oh no, I have missed God and now He's hiding far away from me!

What's really awesome regardless of my dual personality is that God stays ALWAYS CONSTANT!!! He will never be afraid, or confused about anything that appears that way to me. Oh Lord, I love that about you!!!

I can honestly say today, I have no idea whats gonna happen next! But I know who does know! That's whats most important!!

Shipwrecked, Imprisoned...Paul is that you?

I was praying today, and I began to understand a little something about waiting! The Lord showed me a glimpse into what Paul might have been feeling way back in 33ad. To know the plans the Lord has for you but stuck waiting on.... what? It can seem like such a waste of time. There are so many important places to go, people to see!! Come on God! You can't possibly want me to rot here in prison, or die in a shipwreck? What is going on? Why the delay?

Boy, Paul sure had a way better attitude than I would've had - or have today. It seems that the more excited I get about my trip to the great beyond, the more it feels like I am climbing uphill.

I have to take my ex-husband to court to get permission to take the kids for 2 years out of the country. He was appearing to be somewhat agreeable when I offered to make his life a little easier by stopping all child support arrears. And even to stop all future child support charges. But he is adamant now about not letting them go. I am truly sad! Just like a stop over in jail, like Paul? Well I may not be preaching about God against the law, but I do feel like this can't possibly be part of the plan! Or is it??

So many times there are little lessons that we need to learn, but so often we are consumed with the wasted time, we don't learn anything! Oh, Lord! Help my lack of faith, help me see what You are showing me, and above all God I need mercy! I am no Paul, you know!!!

Another year wiser!!!

Today I turned 43! Whoopie!! And I am positive it can only get better from this point on! With age comes wisdom and I am younger than some of my friends, and older than others but in all, no one can tell you what is right for you but YOU!! You have been in your head and body for 43 years( or longer Sylvia :) he he!!) That's a looooong time! I have learned what makes me comfortable and what makes me crazy and I actually try to avoid both, but tend toward being comfy!!! But no matter where I go, or what I do, I am the one that will have to live with my decision and consequences, so why would I do something dumb?? Boy, if my mom is reading this she is saying, "yeah, why?" So take a leap, a jump, a step, in your direction and LIVE, its YOUR LIFE!!!!

Be thankful!!!

Have you ever read Ecclesiastes? Its a book of the Bible- (an incredible literary work by the way, that everyone should read, for history's sake if nothing else)! Anyway, I was reading this morning in this book by King Solomon, the king of Israel, 935 b.c., and such wisdom came to me. Everyone lives and dies and we cannot really change much of when that will happen, but we can change what we view as important! People are the only things that matter! How we treat them, how we love them, and our time with them! Are we grateful for the time they are given to us?

Today I thought of my kids. They are 20, 13 and 11. They are slipping into their own reality of what they think life is. I can't stop time. I can't stop their growing, but I can take them to a place where they are forced to look deep in themselves to find out who they are. Another country can do that!! I'm sure here in America there are places we could go too, but changing cultures, currency, and availability to acquire fast food, now THAT'S deep!!!

My prayer for my kids is that later in their life, they will be thankful and grateful for what they have and whats been given to them, and understand how, they are, the only ones who can do that for them!!

Blessings!!

...and smaller

So who would've thought the patient that told me all about Australia would meet my mother! Even though I had warned him if he ever were to meet her he could not tell her that his only daughter left America to live in Australia... forever! But he must've forgot, because he walked in to her bank, (out of all the banks in San Diego...) and she waited on him,(she's not even a teller but was helping out right then...) and he shared with her that he just got out of the hospital and is on his way to see his daughter in Australia! She remembered me talking about a patient I had, and craziness happens again!! How could anyone think this is coincidence?? I sooooo believe God is in this! Now it's up to me to wait for all the pieces to fall into place. I am moving forward as much as I can, but I am so impatient!

If anyone is following this please pray! My ex husband is being stubborn and I don't want to go to war with him. God knows what must be done, I want to follow his plans!

Thanks all!!

The world is a little smaller...

Every couple days, since I began this craziness, I ask God to reconfirm that this is really something He is leading me into, cuz I'm cool with stuff here if He is not into me moving a gazzillion miles west! He never ceases to amaze me at His faithfulness to show me signs leading the way!!

Today at work, I had a patient who was talking about his last plane trip he had just a couple months ago. So I was curious and asked where he visited. He was visiting his daughter who lives in AUSTRALIA. What? Where in Australia- I ask, and he responds- Brisbane, Queensland! What? That's where I am moving, I tell him and we spend the rest of the day talking about what I should see and visit. OMG- literally!!! It is becoming soooo common for me to hear something about Australia, almost daily. Thank- you so much God! I need encouragement, and He knows it!!

For those of you who may not know what its like to prepare to move to another country... don't ask me! I am blindly packing and praying for direction! I would really love it if some of my followers (which at this moment is only 1) would pray for me and my 3 kids as we prepare for this big move. Thanks mates! (hows that sound?) ttyl :)

Hi all! My name is Cassie. Cassie Perkins, short for Cassandra. I am new at all this high tech computer communicating. (I refuse to use Facebook) But I decided that since I am about to embark on the biggest adventure of my life, I should write something down!

First let me tell you a little about myself, to anyone out there who would even read this! I'm 42 almost 43, but I sure don't feel that old, did I really graduate high school already? I was married but now not. I have 3 great kids, who all live with me still, thank-you God!! I live in Lakeside, California but will soon be leaving the country to live in a foreign land! But, before I talk about that, let me tell you the most important thing about me.... I love Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior, best friend, confidant, Father, and all around great guy!!! If it wasn't for Him, I would not be any part of the me I am today!!! Now, Let me begin.....

Last year 2009, around March or April, I had just ended another mistake of a relationship with a "friend" (because that's what grownup men call women now adays when they are too chicken to commit to ANYTHING). I was really frustrated at what I was doing with my life. I KNEW I was meant for more than this merry-go-round dating stink! The home group (which is a homebased biblestudy group formed from a base church) that I was attending started reading a book that really inspired me to get a grip. It was titled, The Spirit of the Disciplines. The chapter that grabbed me was about solitude. Basically, getting alone with God and tuning out any other voice. That is actually harder than it sounds, but I really attempted it. I stopped calling my friends and family. I turned off TV and radio, all outside influence and pressed in to God. Wow, I could really begin to hear Him! And He really liked me!! We had a great time together, and that's where He began to call me out of my comfort place and take me on a wild ride!!!

I am a nurse by profession and by calling. I love it! When I first wanted to be a nurse, I was about 17 or 18 years old and I knew I wanted to go to far off lands and serve the sick. Life got in the way, marriage, kids, junk... but know, this past year God showed my my old dream was still alive in my heart and so wanting to come true! I began to say to myself, "Why not?"

It was crazy! How could a single mom with 3 kids, a mortgage, and air sickness even think about leaving the country? But that's all I thought about for months! I was so excited, but I knew how insane people would think I was so I tried to sit on it for a little while, but it was no use! I told everyone- "I'm going to Australia to be a nurse!!"

Let me back up a little. When I first thought about nursing abroad, I thought of my friend Beth Wolflick who is a missionary in South Africa. I figured I could go there and work in her orphanage. When I did some research about travel nursing abroad, it turned out that you can't practice nursing in South Africa without becoming an African citizen. Hmm! Not to sure about that with 3 kids. So I wondered, what are my other options? Well, I needed to probably start in an English speaking country, London..., Canada..., or Australia THAT'S IT!!!

As soon as I heard the name Australia, I knew. My spirit lept within me! I get so excited, even now, just imagining it!!! So it began. I contacted O'grady-Peyton, a international travel nursing organization, and told them my qualifications and they let me know it could take from 6 months to a year to get everything ironed out so get started, and I did. The openings for my line of nursing is most needed in Queensland. This is on the east coast above Sydney and right where the Great Barrier Reef is located! Cool!!

So, I just received a letter saying that they have begun the processing of my application and should have my Australian Nursing licence sometime soon!! Woohoo!! My kids and I are preparing for take off.... in July or around there! It takes a long time to get rid of 10 years of,"this house", clutter and some left over,"all of my life", clutter! Oh Yeah! One very important thing I forgot to mention, The contract is for 2 years! I will be there for 2 whole years! Isn't this exciting? Again, I ask why not?! You only get one life! If God offers you some great adventure and another chance to show the world the Glory that is alive in you, WHY NOT??

I will keep you all posted.... January 16,2010